JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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