It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
