Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize