I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
