Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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