Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
