My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
