There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
