I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
