dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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