Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize