happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize