Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She needs sedatives and a leash
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
