So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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