Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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