There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
false alarm. still invincible.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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