i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
