i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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