My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize