hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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