what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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