Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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