listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
