I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
