I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
