areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
