Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
MIDGETS
????
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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