if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
