Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
