If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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