Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
