Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
