so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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