when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
