you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he fucked my hip out of place.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
