Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
someone owes me an orgasm
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
