Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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