you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
