Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
