The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
