Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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