Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
