How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
