he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
