i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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