There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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