Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
