you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
