I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize