I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
