theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
