I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
