I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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