Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
