I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
