It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
