I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
