tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She bit a glass in half.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
