you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My cat gives me a boner
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
