haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
