Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize