Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
