I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my liver is dry heaving
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
