Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
