I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
