Someone shit on the floor
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize