Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
