Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
