It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
