Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
