I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
