Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize