You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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