I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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