let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
