I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
