She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
