The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
