i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
