Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
