did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Non-Jews are for practice
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
