After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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