Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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