Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
