I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
