i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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