in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
