If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
