He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize