so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
