Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I look better un-naked...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
