put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
