well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize