Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize