It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
