I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
