After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
