I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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