i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
